When An Identity No Longer Fits

My experience of sticking with an old label for too long

I recently had coffee with a kind woman I’d just met—soft-spoken, sincere, not someone I could ever imagine offending anyone.

And yet… I found myself feeling unexpectedly irritated during our conversation.

At one point, I mentioned that I’d worked as an economist. It’s something I often say, even though I’m now retired—and even though I never really felt like an economist.

I didn’t love the work, wasn’t particularly interested in the field, and truthfully, can’t think of many conversations I’d want to have less than one about the economy.

But I still reach for that label.

Maybe because it’s familiar.

Maybe because it sounds respectable.

Later in the conversation, this woman kindly recommended a book. A highly rated, well-written exploration of a global economic issue—“I think you’d love it,” she said, “since you’re an economist.” She meant it as a thoughtful gesture, and yet I bristled.

I could hardly think of anything I’d like to read less.

I gave a vague response, something like, “Oh, I’m not really into real-world stuff like that”—which sounded odd, I’m sure!—but in that moment, I felt cornered. Like I wanted to push away the version of me she thought I was.

Later, I realized what had happened.

I’d slipped on an old mask—offering a version of myself I no longer relate to—then felt frustrated that I wasn’t being seen.

But how could I be seen for who I really am if I hadn’t shared it?

I hadn’t told her about what truly lights me up. I’d expected her to somehow know, even though I hadn’t let that part of me come forward.

It made me think: maybe it’s time to stop introducing myself through old identities.

Maybe I can start saying:

“I used to work as an economist, but these days I’m more drawn to writing about mindfulness, inner life, and what it means to live in alignment.”

That feels truer. More me.

Sometimes, we get so used to certain labels that we forget we can outgrow them.

We forget that being known for who we are now means we have to let ourselves be seen—gently, honestly, without the old masks.

I think I’m ready for that.

Thank you for reading 🫶

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💭 What are your thoughts?

Have you noticed yourself holding onto a label that no longer feels true?

How might it feel to let others see a truer version of you, gently and honestly, without the old mask?

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